“Things are looking up for Milhouse!”
Posted by Daniel Metz
There are few things in this life that I can look forward to, movie-wise. A trip to New York is good, as I know I can return to all of the marvelous theatres in the best cinema town in the US. Terror Tuesday’s upcoming showing of Psycho II is also pretty damn exciting. I even look forward to the Paramount Summer Series, because, while it may be classic film-lite, it is still the best film series in Austin.
New releases are harder to get excited for. Yes, I look forward to the semi-regular films by auteurs like Woody Allen, Jim Jarmusch, Paul Thomas Anderson, etc. I am thankful that Stephen usually compiles our weekly Cinema Opportunities list, because it makes me sad sometimes to think of the poor things that we have in our future.
But, there has been some buzz this past week that has got me pretty damn excited. Lindsay Lohan has been cast in a Linda Lovelace biopic!
She's beautiful as Marilyn, we can only imagine what she can do with Lovelace
You might think I am being sarcastic. You are very, very wrong. Here are the top five reasons why I am more happy about this than any other movie slated to be released in the next decade (with the 3D Star Wars excluded, naturally):
1. Lindsay Lohan really is a beautiful young girl.
2. She is a competent and talented actress whose personal life is a mess, and the electric self-destructiveness she exudes can only be good for a movie about such a tormented figure.
3. This movie will feature (God help us) some interesting pop history of stag films and hardcore pornography, hopefully educating some people about this stuff that I care about.
4. In real life, Lovelace shot stag films in which she engages in oral and genital sex with a dog. Even if it is only implied, it would be the most awesome and horrifying sex scene of the new millennium.
5. The whole idea of Lohan doing a biopic about a porn star is so absurd that it’s got to be REALLY GOOD in order for anyone to allow it to happen. No one would set themselves up for this much mockery without a lot of confidence that it won’t ruin the careers of everyone involved.
I can’t wait to see how far Lindsay Lohan will go to untangle her tingle.
