22.03

good night cleveland.

21.59

Katheryn Bigelow was still backstage; they’re really trying to finish this before midnight, aren’t they?

21.59

hurt locker is best picture.

21.56

bigelow is a dilf

21.55

Best Director is Kathryn Bigelow, oh yeah! Deserved!

21.54

The only director I would be remotely okay with other than Bigelow is Tarantino, because Basterds is a totally feminist film.

21.48

21.48

more like sandra bullocks.

21.48

And the Oscar for Best Actress goes to … Sandra Bullock. Yawn.

21.44

it is sooooo creepy how much carey mulligan’s mom looks like her

21.40

And the Oscar for Best Actress goes to … you’ll all have to wait ten more minutes first while we kiss ass.

21.37

Did the announcer just say “Best Pitcher,” or is that just me.

21.35

Yeah, even though it’s kind of predictable, I just can’t be too put out that the Dude just won an Oscar.

21.32

Best actor goes to The Wrestler

21.31

So are we going to have to sit through this again for the Best Actress nominees?

21.28

Colin Firth, you are just the most delightful man in that room, aren’t you.

21.19

Peace, harmony, conservation, racism, and unoriginal storytelling: The true message of Avatar.

21.18

Nice dig at Avatar, Spanish guy!

21.17

Best Foreign Film goes to the Spanish movie with the long title!

21.15

The two most important living filmmakers, tarantino and almodovar, together at least. just make out already.

21.08

Best Editing for The Hurt Locker

21.06

GO AWAY TYLER PERRY NOBODY LIKES YOU

21.04

Best Documentary goes to The Cove.

21.01

your bow tie is crooked, matt damon

20.55

Best VFX: Avatar. And nobody is surprised.

20.55

avatar won

20.54

that was stephen, btw

20.54

gerard butler, this generation’s cary grant.

20.52

And the Oscar for Best Score goes to … Up, Michael Giacchino!

20.48

Why am I watching a Gap commercial?

20.47

My money on best score goes to Michael Giacchino for Up. Let’s see if I’m right.

20.47

Interpretive dance to the Best Scores? Really Oscar producers?

20.46

who is this weird guy, and what’s his accent all about?

20.45

My heart skipped a beat when Sam Worthington put on those glasses.

20.41

karl malden is officially the best person to have died in 2009

20.40

Nobody’s clapping during this montage. Were all these people jerks?

20.38

So to make up for no best song performances we get James Taylor? Yeah, I can deal with that.

20.36

Best Cinematography is Avatar

20.35

Sandra, I wish you’d done a little something more with your hair, but your dress is hands-down my favorite of the night.

20.35

So, Steve Martin is pwning Jack Donaghy tonight, yes?

20.29

Elizabeth Banks looks both stunning and like Rachel McAdams’ twin sister.

20.27

Best Sound Mixing for The Hurt Locker.

20.25

In the first showdown between Avatar and The Hurt Locker, The Hurt Locker takes it. Let’s hope this is a trend.

20.25

Best Sound Editing goes to … The Hurt Locker!

20.23

Outstanding Sound Editing montage, narrated by God, I mean, Morgan Freeman.

20.20

KStew coughed because she inhaled RIGHT before walking out on that stage.

20.14

Given that KStew is presenting with Taylor and not RPatz, can we determine that the Oscars are Team Jacob?

20.10

Award for Best Movie in the Costume Design Category = Bright Star. Actual Best Costume Design Award is = The Young Victoria.

20.10

I really wish Best Costume would go to Bright Star. Will it?

20.08

“Thirteen years ago, they told me I wasn’t going to live … but then James Cameron gave me an Avatar!”

20.08

i wish we could give this award to Claudia Cardinale

20.07

Outstanding Art Direction goes to … Avatar — hopefully this is the first and only win for this movie.

20.06

art direction, a category designed to recognize movies that i don’t care about.

20.06

she was so bad on SNL

19.59

best supporting actress goes to mo’nique, for hamming up a monologue at the end of the movie

19.55

I bet Miley Cyrus is all, “Who’s Lauren Bacall?”

19.52

Wow, the Queen is looking beautiful!

19.52

if sandra bullock wins an award, i for real will quit the movie business forever.

19.50

Best Adapted Screenplay goes to … Precious!

19.47

Ongoing list: People who were hotter 20 years ago: Alec Baldwin, Judd Nelson, Matthew Broderick …

19.41

Best Makeup goes to: star trek, the only good movie nominated this year.

19.38

Is Ben Stiller speaking Klingon?

19.38

no, but seriously, greenberg is awesome

19.38

the evening was going very smoothly until ben stiller came on.

19.36

Best Live-Action Short Film is The New Tenants

19.35

I’MA LET YOU FINISH BUT … I AM WEARING THE BEST PURPLE JACKET OF ALL TIME.

19.34

did anyone mention how skinny those presenter girls are?

19.34

Best Documentary Short goes to … Music by Prudence!

19.33

Oh Mr. Frenchman, you could talk all night and I wouldn’t mind …

19.32

Best Animated Short should be Logorama…and is!

19.31

“The tools never make a great film; it’s what you do with the tools.” Wise words, John Lasseter.

19.28

Cary Mulligan, your earrings are just a tad too big. Sorry. But they’re not as hideous as Zoe’s dress.

19.23

Can I just watch Ferris Bueller instead of the rest of the Oscars?

19.21

“When you grow up, your heart dies.” Oh John. I miss you.

19.18

Did Molly’s bracelet migrate to the bodice of her dress and reproduce?

19.17

Wow, Molly and Ferris are looking ROUGH.

19.16

Word of the night: Equanimity. Thanks Ethan and Joel.

19.15

Original Screenplay goes to…The Hurt Locker, Mark Boal.

19.14

Reading the stage directions, for real? BAD CALL Oscar writers.

19.13

Tina and RDJ have such great chemistry! Do I see a 30 Rock guest spot in the future? SAY YES!

19.05

More like Chris Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

19.05

T Bone Burnett and James Cameron go to the same barber.

19.04

Best Original Song you’ll never hear on the radio: “The Weary Kind” from Crazy Heart

19.02

i hope paris 36 wins, because i genuinely never heard of it. have you, stephen?

19.01

hey, bit love represent. I won’t hold it against you that you are moving out of utah with aaron paul

19.00

Uh oh, it’s Tweedledum and Tweedledee again.

18.59

cmon, cmon, cmon Coraline……it’s UP for Best animated feature.

18.58

Coraline, it is so good to see you again. Thumbs down to a squirrel joke from the UP people.

18.56

Dude. I do not like Cameron Diaz at ALL, but she looks fantastic.

18.56

cameron diaz looks beautiful

18.53

Why does Jennifer Aniston keep making the same movie over and over and over and over …

18.53

who even knew JC PENNY still exists?

18.49

Why is Gandalf sitting behind Quentin Tarantino?

18.48

Best supporting actor goes to the always delightful Christoph Waltz, who is winning for his portrayal of a NAZI. You are all nazi sympathizers.

18.47

These clip montages are SO LONG!

18.43

What’s with Baldwin’s passing English accent? It was funny during the Avatar bit but now it’s just weird.

18.43

they were invited only for the punchline

18.42

It’s like they set out to be NOT funny …

18.42

a frida reference, really?

18.41

The first time we mention KBigs is as Cameron’s ex-wife? Really?

18.39

Baldwin’s timing is AWFUL. PAINFUL. MAKE IT STOP.

18.38

that’s a real insider joke, dissing CAA

18.37

nice race joke alec baldwin

18.36

nice internet talk steve martin

18.36

Way to ruin the punchline with applause Meryl

18.33

I wish Sacha Baron Cohen was doing this instead of Barney.

18.32

My my NPH. You sure are sparkly tonight …

18.31

i’ve been waiting for this moment so long

18.31

For a second I was worried we were going to witness some Dancing with the Stars …

18.31

morgan freeman got made freckles

18.30

Zoe Saldana as best dressed? Srsly? That is a gradiated hot mess!

18.30

I hope Preston Sturges wins best director

18.28

Poor J-Lo. She thinks people still care about anything she does.

18.21

Dresses that look like female genitalia seem to be a theme tonight …